my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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