I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
