So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
