i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
