Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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