Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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