i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
