i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
