He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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