and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
