You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
