Your face is a jimmy john
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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