I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My boob is missing a layer of skin
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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