Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
