She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
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Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
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I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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