I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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