He is an equal opportunity slut.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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