i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She's the barista slut.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
