We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
