Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
