i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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