yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
