and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
