you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize