I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
