dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
