Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Also, beer. Big fan.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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