So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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