fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
