I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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