Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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