I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
