I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
