I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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