Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
