i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
