so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i will never coherently bang her
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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