gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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