So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I need a burrito and a hug.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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