What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
