Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
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There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
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He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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