I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
