I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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