It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
