I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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