I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
