Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
