Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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