BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
