Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My vagina just recognized that song.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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