if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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