you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
