There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
