Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He kissed a someone with a penis
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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