She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
