Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
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I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
These tits shall not be calmed
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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