I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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