Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
