she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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