Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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