I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
