you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
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Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
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Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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