i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
