I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
