im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
