Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
