lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
