NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
