I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
