I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
All the doctor said was why
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
