Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
