Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
