her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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